Saturday, December 29, 2012

Some personal thoughts and prayer

One of my struggles in life is that I will get ahead of God.  I want Him to direct my steps, open the doors and lead me where He wants me to go not me forcing it or jumping to soon. I never want it to be about me only Glorifying Him.   My  other concern is not going when God has already told me what He wants me to do.  Allowing fear to stop me or using my kids as an excuse to hide.  I'm really good at hiding.  I'll step out but then run back trying to find some reason why it's not time or why it can't be me. What if God is telling me to go and I'm allowing the fears to speak louder than God.  I don't expect the journey to be easy.  I'm past the feel good in the moment and flying off my emotions.  I know what I'm gifted at and love what God has allowed me to do this far.  I love being a wife and mother.  I love what God has done in me and through me with my family.   I so love love helping, teaching and encouraging other women.  It is what I was born to do.  However, God is doing amazing things in our kids.  Wathing them live out their God given dreams brings us more joy than living mine!!! If God wants me to wait, I can.   Why then do I keep allowing fear to stop me or do I keep questioning God is it the right time?  Will God be so mad if I step out and try realizing the timing was too soon?  I don't think so.  I know he will redirect my path.  I also know in my heart he knows if I don't speak, write and teach part of my spirt will die.  He has began to open the doors again.  If my second ministry takes more time away from my family, I know God will show me. He  I've learned those lessons.  He has brough amazing women in my life and working towards something that only God could of put together.  Why still all  the doubt? 

Yesterday as I was spending time with God, he laid this scripture on my heart. I've read this before and it never had the meaning it did for me as it did  this moment in my life.  It is in the book of Luke when Elizabeth is speaking to Mary.  This verse just spoke to me at the moment I needed it most. " She who has believed is blessed because what was spoken to her by the Lord will be fulfilled!"  Luke 1:46  It gave me so much peace in my heart about many things that have been on my mind. 

I know when I try to figure things out, I'm not trusting in the Lord.  It will be on his time.  I just need to continue doing what He wants me to do at this moment in my life.  His plans are much bigger and better than my plans.  It doesn't have to happen overnight and it won't.  One of my prayers is that I'm not just a speaker/teacher.  There are so many false teachers out there or people who mean well but are not truly living what they teach in their life.  I pray my life,marriage and my kids will be the fruit and reflection of what God has taught us.    God is not looking for perfection and this I know.  He just wants a heart that loves him and have the faith to do the work he has called you and me to do. 

If you struggle like I do, I pray that you hear the voice of God.  You trust him and allow Him to direct your steps.  I pray that you are not afraid to step out and do what it is our Lord is calling you to do.  It will not be easy but with God all things are possible.  I believe God and I believe what he has called me to do.  It will be fulfilled.  It is being fulfilled as we speak.  It might not be in front of millions of people right now but it's in front of the most important people in my life.  My husband and kids.

I do ask if you are my friend to please pray for me. I've began writing my first book.  I don't know anything about publishing or editing, but I know God does.  I'm doing my part, being prepared and know God will show me the next step after it has been written.    I also ask for prayers for help with my website.  I was able to get my site back but mark and I don't have any idea what to do next! 

I also ask you pray for me because there is a speaker and writing workshop I want to go to with proverbs 31 ministry. Please pray God will open the door financially for me to go.   I'm having the same feelings I had when I went to my first speaker training six years ago.  When I stepped out in faith, it was a life changing experience.  God spoke life into me when I had lost all doubt in myself.  As scared as I was, it was worth it!  I believe this is what I need again to get wisdom, direction on where to go next!!!  If I'm really honest, I want to go but afraid the women there will laugh at me telling me I don't have it in me.  I know that is crazy stupid talk!  I felt like this right before flying down to Florida for my first speaker seminar.  After leaving that experiene, I was mentored and went all across the United States and Europe within two years speaking, doing radio and appeared on TV. .  I met some amazing people.  It was totally God!!    Sometimes, we need others to see it in us and give us the extra nudge we so desperately need!!!  I know this is what my spirit  needs...

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