Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Marriage Can Really Suck!!!

Yes, I said it, ,marriage can really suck and be hard at times! If you have been married longer than 2 weeks you know this to be a fact! Actually, all realtionships can be hard and require work, if you truly care about the person.

Mark and I have been married for 12 years! We have 4 kids and I love him with all my heart. We've known each other since we've been in the 4th grade! So, we know just about everything about each other, which can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it!

It hasn't been an easy road. Just a few years ago, we were like just about every other couple out there. We were focued on ourselves and what was in it for us. We got caught up in the world and the desires of the world and lost touch on what it means to have a healthy realionship. What kept us going is the passion we have for each other and the the birth of our kids. Even when we wanted to kill each other or when he would do something that made me want to puke all over him, there was still this passion that kept us together! After we had kids, we knew something needed to change becasue of the love we have for our kids. We learned that we couldn't do this alone, we needed God.

Love is not a feeling! Its a choice. I know that kinda stinks becasue if its a feeling, its easy to just give up on your relatioship. But when you realize its a choice, it takes sacrifice, and its not always about you, then everything changes! You now know you have a major role in the marriage too and you can't always blame your spouse! ( The sacrifice and all about you was hard for me to learn! I can be very high maintance at times. When I read the five love languages, I realized not just one was my love language but all five!!!)

Our marriage is not perfect and we still can get on each other's last nerve! Thankfully, God has taught us and helped Mark and I take a deeper look at ourselves and stop always pointing the finger at each other.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself and to help you with your marriage. When ever mark and I start to get a little cranky with each other, we recognize its becasue we are stuck on ourselves. When this happens, we try to ask ourselves, what would we do to save our marriage? If I knew Mark wanted to leave the marriage, would I be willing to do everything it takes to save it? Why wait to your realtionship gets to that part. Every day we should be thinking about what we can do for each other. Remember its not a feeling its a choice. Your husband can drive you up the wall, but if you have the additude of waiting for him to make the first move, then nobody will win and your marriage will fail. I know what Mark's love language is and trust me its the last one on my list! After taking care of 4 kids all day that is the last thing I want to do. However, I love him and that means doing things even when I don't feel like it! Guess what, when I give to him with out expecting anything back, he does the same for me and vice versa. Change the way you look at each other ad foucs on the positive and every day little by little thigs will get better...

Second, ask yourself what typ of wife do you want for your son? What type of husband do you want for your daughters? Then look at yourself and ask yourself are being those role models for them? Your kids are watching you and if you want a healthy marriage for them, you better get your act straight!

Most importantly, you can't do this without God. Remember your spouse will never fullfill you only God can. People will always disapoint you, but God is always faithfull! The more you deepen your realionship with him, the deeper your love will grow for each other!

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.


Anonymous said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing Kim.

Pamela said...

I've been wanting to write about marriage for some time on my blog but haven't had the courage to do so because so many of my husband's family read it. We have to pretend to be perfect - or so it seems. Thanks for putting words to many of my thoughts. And for being honest that things don't always look pretty.

Michelle Vandepol said...

love this! we're similar to you (have 3 boys and how you explained getting through the times when you didn't like each other with your passion for each other and love for the kids was exactly us) and finally getting it :) thanks for your encouraging honesty

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