Talking and spending time is one of my love languages. I believe talking about our day, sharing our feelings and being open and vulnerable with our husband is something wives long for from their husbands. I know when mark gives me his full attention and is really listening to me, I feel such a deeper connection with him.
We can probably guess what Mark and what most husbands first love language is, yes SEX! To be honest it's not something that is top on my list as much as I love him. Especially after teaching the kids, driving them everywhere, making dinner and standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes all day! ( our dishwasher has been broken. It should be fixed any day and I can't wait!) It's something I have to be intentional about. We are one and his needs are just important as my needs.
Ladies, if you need your husband to talk, listen and spend time with you. You might have to speak his language(If reading something about sex offends you, then you might not want to read this blog! Meeting each others needs successfully is what makes a marriage thrive. We need more Christians to get this so their marriage can do what it was intended to do. Glorify God!) If he is anything like my husband when you say the word sex you have his complete attention. I don't care, he could be in the middle of a deep sleep or to tired to put the dishes way, but say the magical three letter word and he will do whatever I ask!
One day we were feeling irritable with each other. We had a busy week. I didn't feel we were communicating like I needed, he wasn't getting sex like he needed and we were not praying together. We pray as a family every night but we really try to pray every night just the two of us. (It's amazing what happens when we open up and honestly talk with God what is on our heart. I feel so close to mark and it makes our day and marriage better.) Thankfully prior to this happening, God helped me explain what I needed to say in words to mark so he could relate to! He helped both of us understand their is an enemy out there that wants nothing more than to brake our marriage up. Marriages don't end in a day. It something that happens gradually and I'm so thankful we can recognize when we are getting off track!
One day I said to him, Sex is important to you and to be honest it's not on the top of my list. But I love you and so it's important to me. So, spending quality time together is extremely important to me but it doesn't mean sitting on the coach watching football with you. It doesn't mean you read a book and I read a book and go to bed. I need your undivided attention not part of it, not you watching football or Espn and I have a small window to talk during commericals. I need to feel wanted. I do not just want to go through the motions of marriage. I want you to still pursue me. Send me a quick text during the day or just for know reason touch me, kiss me and let me know that you are still crazy in love with me! Do something just to let me know I was on your mind. I wasn't sure if he still was getting it. I said, " what if during sex i fell asleep, started yawing or picked up a book and started reading!!!
He looked at me and smiled! He finally got it!!!
The other day as we began feeling irritable with each other, we both realized what was going on. (Years ago, it would of turned into a full blown fight). We prayed together , talked and then I rocked my husbands world!!! Ladies, if your husband is lacking in the communicating part you just might need to speak it in his language. Once he gets it he will give you the attention, time and affection your heat is longing to have.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and like wise to her husband. the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands' body does not belong to him alone but also his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutal consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-contorl. -1 Corinthians 7:4-5.