Going to the strip club with your buddies isn't really a big deal, is it? Having strippers at your bachelor party is really no big deal, everybody does it. Its just a good time with the guys, right? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas won't hurt my husband or wife, right? Guys or girls, a little porn to spice up the marriage won't hurt, right? What about a threesome? No big deal??? Casual sex no big deal???
WRONG!!! There is no way I can blog about all that I've learned about myself and my marriage when it comes to this topic nor will I blog about all there is to discuss about this on here. One day when I'm speaking on Sex and marriage you can either come and listen or read my book, whenever the heck I finish it! I'm not just going to put it all out here. I will only share, teach and reach out to others who are truly serious about changing and healing their lives. I don't write what I write to try to convince anyone or talk anyone into Jesus. I've been set free and my marriage has been restored because of Jesus. I only want to help the people who have ears to hear. If what you are doing in your life is working for you great! If not, I hope you take what I write about serious and begin searching your heart and soul and truly finding and knowing the love of God.. This goes for Christians to. I know many Christians who believe Jesus and know every verse in the Bible. However, they don't allow him to come fully into their heart. They don't do the necessary work on themselves so they can have the life Jesus has promised. They wonder why they are in the situation they are in or nothing good every happens to them...Its time to start looking in the mirror.
I always knew Mark loved me and he has always been a great dad, when looking on the outside and looking on the outside I looked like a really good mom and wife the way the world looks at a marriage. But the way God saw us was completely different. Some of the choices and decisions we made when we were younger and even when the kids were small affected our marriage. Mark never saw Porn has anything bad. He didn't watch it everyday it was only when he was with the guys playing cards or at a bachelor party. (which by the way, it disgust me to think of how mark and i started our marriage off) Strip Clubs were just fun times the guys when one of his pals were getting married. He didn't really want to be there is what he would tell me. (yeah right) He couldn't tell the guys he didn't want to go. They would think he was a wimp. Who cares what I thought and how I felt about it. I hated it when Mark would go out with his friends. I hated how it made me feel. I thought there was something wrong with me. Instead of standing my ground on this issue, I gave in. I thought it must be because I'm insecure with myself and to show everyone how strong I am, I threw my husband a 30th bday party and hired a stripper. What in the heck was I thinking!
It wasn't until this summer that God really got to the root of some major issues in our marriage. He placed two powerful books in our lives. It really hit Mark. It talked about marriage, your relationship with God, your relationship with your father and the relationship between a dad and daughter. Some people like to put a band aide on things and hope all goes away. See, I'm not that way. I like to talk about things and work through things and understand why we made some of the choices we did.( Even though God turned our life around and we were not living this way, there were still areas in our life that needed to be healed). I wanted to know what God really thinks about marriage. How Husband and wives are to treat each other. We were getting ready to have our third daugther. How would he feel if his daughter was in that type of industry and how would he feel if men were doing or thinking what he and his buddies were doing?
I don't care what you say and you can laugh at m all you want but Pornography will hurt your marriage and leave scars on your heart. It did on mine. Mark's choices made me feel that I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't first in his life and that I was just someone he settled for. Of course, I know that isn't true today, but deep down inside I felt that way. I was so angry at him and this was one of the reasons I couldn't respect him as my husband the way God wanted me to. Thankfully, Jesus worked in our lives and we both were able to talk about things and forgive each other and let it go!
I think this is so heavy on my heart right now was because of the event I went to last night. I thought about all the woman who are in this industry and how broken they are mentally, physically and spiritually. How much they need love and support. I'm thankful God has shed light on this for mark and I and for us to learn again more life lessons. I'm thankful Mark is the Godly man God has called him to be. I'm thankful he loves me and all of me and that I truly know he has eyes for only me! I'm not saying he doesn't have his struggles but he knows what they are and doesn't put himself in situations where he could be tempted and do something that would change everything for our family. I understand Mark and try to be the wife he needs and help him be the man God has called him to be. By loving him for where he is and who he is at this moment. I'm thankful he is the leader of our family and now I respect him for the man he really is. Its about time that Men step up to the plate and love their wives the way God has called them to because the best gift you can give your kids is to love God and their mommies with all your heart!
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