I've been praying and reflecting its amazing how much pride I use to have in my life.I never really understood what pride meant and to be honest still learning exaclty what it means and looks like. I know from past experiences its something I never want to enter my heart again. I'm human and make mistakes and its something that can sneak into your heart if you are not careful. Just because God has set me free from pride and many other things in my life doesn't mean it can't happen again . Its so important for me to keep my head and heart in the Bible and stay focused only on God.
I know opening up isn't easy and growing deeper can make you feel very vulnerable. I know as much as I love learning more about myself the initial part is scary for me still to this day. I'm afraid that people will see that I'm not good enough, laugh or think less of me. However, those thoughts are crazy and not true and the enemy wants you to believe them so you stay the same. When you stay the same you can't help grow God's kingdom and you are then not a threat to the enemy. I'm thankful for the people in the past and the people God has placed in my life today that they love me enough to challenge me to grow but with love, patience and gentleness.
The next few blogs, I will be sharing with you how I was filled with pride and what it looked like and how and what God has reveled to me now about pride. When you can humble yourself and ask God to show you his ways, its awesome what will happen in your life. The Bible says, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." -Proverbs 16:18.
I would like to share with you what my friend/mentor has shared with me.
Below is a list of just a few rewards we will gain if we have true humility.
~God's rewards for Humility~
We get to have peace when we are humble
God give's us His grace when we are humble *James 4:6
He crowns us with salvation when we humble our self before Him *Psalms 149:4
Our prayers are heard when we are humble
Confidents that we have done our best for HIM when we do things with humility
God honors the humble *Proverbs 15:33, 18:12 Mt 18:4
He sustains the humble *Is 66:2b
Humility brings godly wisdom *Proverbs 11:2 James 3:13
We will depend on Him if we are humble
He shows favor to the humble *Is 66:2b, Ps 25:9
We defeat Satan when we are humble!
False humility is feeling guilt and shame when you have already been forgiven thru repentance. This false humility is pride. Pride says are ways are higher then Gods ways and the cross isn't enough.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
She did not spit on me did she???
In my small group, we are studying a book called "Deadly Emotions." We are talking about stress, anxiety, anger, patience, etc., Its a great group of ladies and I really enjoy going and learning something new about myself.
Now, I think of myself as a pretty patient person. Things like traffic, waiting in long lines, my dog chewing a hole in the wall or kids spilling juice on the new carpet, doesn't get me upset. I really don't let little things bother me. Now, where you can push my buttons is when it comes to my kids and my husband. Cross those lines and hurt my family you could possibly see another side of me!
Here is how God has such a funny sense of humor. He wants to see if I really have learned my lessons and listening to him. All this week he has been giving me things to see how I'm going to handle my patience and to see how I'm going to react and if I'm really stay focused on him.
I usually go and get that threading done to my eyebrows at the mall. I've been going there for a while and there is a lady there that does a really nice job. However, this wasn't the case this weekend. There was someone new working and everything in me said, Kim don't sit down in that chair come back later." However, I did not listen. My eyebrows were so hairy that even my daughters told me it was time to go and get them done! I said, what the heck and sat down.
First, if you never had this done, it hurts really bad! If someone that has been doing it for awhile can do it really fast and it doesn't hurt as bad. This girl was new and it felt like she had tweezers and was plucking each piece of hair one by one. Did I mentionI have to do my upper lip too! Can you imagine how bad that hurts. On top of it taking forever and hurting so bad, I swear she took the thread and wiped her spit all over it and then used that same thread on my face! I wanted to puke! All I could feel was wet thread on my eyebrows! To top it off I went to pay and she put the wrong price in. It cost 17.00 and she charged me 170.00! Thankfully, she was able to fix it! However, when I went home to check my account online it the refund was still not showing up on my account! So, I had to sit on hold for 20 minutes until I could speak to an associate!
All I could do was breath and remind msyefl that I've made many mistakes in the past and getting upset will not make it any better. However, I will not be going back there again especially if that woman is working! I may be patient but I'm not dumb! Really, when you look at the bigger picture, its really not that big of deal and getting upset wouldn't of solved the problem! Its important to learn how to roll with punches( I think that is the saying). If I would of gotten angry and lost my cool, how is that being Christ like. God is patient with us, we need to patient with everyone else. If you get upset at the small stuff what are you going to do when something HUGE happens in your life. Also, I believe if we know how to handle the small things first, God will bless you with much more!
For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus. Romans 15:4-5
Now, I think of myself as a pretty patient person. Things like traffic, waiting in long lines, my dog chewing a hole in the wall or kids spilling juice on the new carpet, doesn't get me upset. I really don't let little things bother me. Now, where you can push my buttons is when it comes to my kids and my husband. Cross those lines and hurt my family you could possibly see another side of me!
Here is how God has such a funny sense of humor. He wants to see if I really have learned my lessons and listening to him. All this week he has been giving me things to see how I'm going to handle my patience and to see how I'm going to react and if I'm really stay focused on him.
I usually go and get that threading done to my eyebrows at the mall. I've been going there for a while and there is a lady there that does a really nice job. However, this wasn't the case this weekend. There was someone new working and everything in me said, Kim don't sit down in that chair come back later." However, I did not listen. My eyebrows were so hairy that even my daughters told me it was time to go and get them done! I said, what the heck and sat down.
First, if you never had this done, it hurts really bad! If someone that has been doing it for awhile can do it really fast and it doesn't hurt as bad. This girl was new and it felt like she had tweezers and was plucking each piece of hair one by one. Did I mentionI have to do my upper lip too! Can you imagine how bad that hurts. On top of it taking forever and hurting so bad, I swear she took the thread and wiped her spit all over it and then used that same thread on my face! I wanted to puke! All I could feel was wet thread on my eyebrows! To top it off I went to pay and she put the wrong price in. It cost 17.00 and she charged me 170.00! Thankfully, she was able to fix it! However, when I went home to check my account online it the refund was still not showing up on my account! So, I had to sit on hold for 20 minutes until I could speak to an associate!
All I could do was breath and remind msyefl that I've made many mistakes in the past and getting upset will not make it any better. However, I will not be going back there again especially if that woman is working! I may be patient but I'm not dumb! Really, when you look at the bigger picture, its really not that big of deal and getting upset wouldn't of solved the problem! Its important to learn how to roll with punches( I think that is the saying). If I would of gotten angry and lost my cool, how is that being Christ like. God is patient with us, we need to patient with everyone else. If you get upset at the small stuff what are you going to do when something HUGE happens in your life. Also, I believe if we know how to handle the small things first, God will bless you with much more!
For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus. Romans 15:4-5
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My Trip to Gemany. You will never know unless you try!
I was given an incredible opportunity three years ago. One of my friends/mentors does leadership training. He was doing an intense leadership training for the Daimler Financial Top Executives and he asked me to be a part of it! How could I say no. Yes, I was excited about the opportunity to learn and work with him but I have to admit I was more excited about going to Germany, staying at a five star hotel and flying fist class!
As excited as I was that dang doubt started entering my head! Seriously, what the heck did I have to offer? I was never an executive for a company nor have I worked long at a corporate job for longer than maybe 6 months! Now, that I'm thinking about it I don't really know if I ever had a corporate job!!! There was a moment I was eating dinner with the CFO of Daimler and all the executive and the entire time I kept telling myself, "don't open your mouth to talk. If you do, they will know how air headed you are and how much you really don't know." I don't use any big elaborate words, still learning about politics and haven't worked at "real" job in I don't know how long! I knew they really didn't want to hear about diapers, teething, or cartoons! (If you know me, keeping my mouth shut is not an easy thing to do!) After all the crazy thoughts that entered my head, it ended being a great experience on many different levels and plus I was asked asked to come back! I was able to go to Germany not once but twice!
Here are a few lessons I would like to share with you.
*sometimes there will be people put in your life that will see something in you before you ever do. I thank my friend for believing in me even when I didn't. ( I'm thankful for the many people who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself!)
*. Its so important to know you are and whose you are. God doesn't want you to be anybody else but you! Stop beating yourself up because you are not like your friend, your boss, your co-worker, your neighbor, etc., He needs you to be you so he can work through you! Its not about you. It's all about Him.
* Stop trying to be everything to everyone! We can't do it all and we need to stay focused on the unique dreams and talents God has given each one of us. As much as I loved the experience, corporate training really isn't my thing! Yes, I can do it but my true love is helping women. Teaching on leadership in the home. Teaching about relationships, marriage, kids, families, people skills (which not everyone has!!!), communication, money and fear. When I'm in my zone I come alive and the same is true for you. There will be things we will have to do that we might not like so we can learn and get to where God wants us, but there are some places we don't belong and that is OK too!
* Don't let fear stop you. Let God help you figure out where your fear is coming from. Don't let the enemy get in your head either! I've come to realize the bigger the dream, the closer you get the more the enemy will try to stop you and it doesn't have to be some big ordeal to stop you either. It can be as little as a little pecking at you telling you how dumb you are, you have nothing to offer, who do you think you are. The enemy will know your weakness and try to stop you. Its so important you know God and pray through it! trust me, every time I start taking more steps and moving in the right direction it happens to me every time! Thankfully, I can recognize and keep moving forward! I know the only reason its happening is because God has something big planned for my life!
*Enjoy the ride and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself! If you really knew me and the air headed things that come out of my mouth sometimes or things I do, you would shake your head! Its me and its fun being me! If you make a mistake, just get back up and laugh! It will make you feel better and know you are not alone!
*who cares about status! -we are all people and we all have baggage and are more alike than we are different. It doesn't matter what job someone has, the house they live in, car they drive or money they make. It doesn't matter what you do but what you do with what you have and who are doing it for. Its not about who knows your name or how big you are in your company or church! Its about doing all that God has given you for him and only him! So, when you are talking with your pastor or CEO of a company, don't look at their name but their heart! Remember they are more like you than you really know...Just be YOU!
Don't be afraid to try something new-You will never know unless you try! What is the worst that can happen? If you are doing it for God and end up screwing it up, he will help you make your crooked path straight!
As excited as I was that dang doubt started entering my head! Seriously, what the heck did I have to offer? I was never an executive for a company nor have I worked long at a corporate job for longer than maybe 6 months! Now, that I'm thinking about it I don't really know if I ever had a corporate job!!! There was a moment I was eating dinner with the CFO of Daimler and all the executive and the entire time I kept telling myself, "don't open your mouth to talk. If you do, they will know how air headed you are and how much you really don't know." I don't use any big elaborate words, still learning about politics and haven't worked at "real" job in I don't know how long! I knew they really didn't want to hear about diapers, teething, or cartoons! (If you know me, keeping my mouth shut is not an easy thing to do!) After all the crazy thoughts that entered my head, it ended being a great experience on many different levels and plus I was asked asked to come back! I was able to go to Germany not once but twice!
Here are a few lessons I would like to share with you.
*sometimes there will be people put in your life that will see something in you before you ever do. I thank my friend for believing in me even when I didn't. ( I'm thankful for the many people who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself!)
*. Its so important to know you are and whose you are. God doesn't want you to be anybody else but you! Stop beating yourself up because you are not like your friend, your boss, your co-worker, your neighbor, etc., He needs you to be you so he can work through you! Its not about you. It's all about Him.
* Stop trying to be everything to everyone! We can't do it all and we need to stay focused on the unique dreams and talents God has given each one of us. As much as I loved the experience, corporate training really isn't my thing! Yes, I can do it but my true love is helping women. Teaching on leadership in the home. Teaching about relationships, marriage, kids, families, people skills (which not everyone has!!!), communication, money and fear. When I'm in my zone I come alive and the same is true for you. There will be things we will have to do that we might not like so we can learn and get to where God wants us, but there are some places we don't belong and that is OK too!
* Don't let fear stop you. Let God help you figure out where your fear is coming from. Don't let the enemy get in your head either! I've come to realize the bigger the dream, the closer you get the more the enemy will try to stop you and it doesn't have to be some big ordeal to stop you either. It can be as little as a little pecking at you telling you how dumb you are, you have nothing to offer, who do you think you are. The enemy will know your weakness and try to stop you. Its so important you know God and pray through it! trust me, every time I start taking more steps and moving in the right direction it happens to me every time! Thankfully, I can recognize and keep moving forward! I know the only reason its happening is because God has something big planned for my life!
*Enjoy the ride and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself! If you really knew me and the air headed things that come out of my mouth sometimes or things I do, you would shake your head! Its me and its fun being me! If you make a mistake, just get back up and laugh! It will make you feel better and know you are not alone!
*who cares about status! -we are all people and we all have baggage and are more alike than we are different. It doesn't matter what job someone has, the house they live in, car they drive or money they make. It doesn't matter what you do but what you do with what you have and who are doing it for. Its not about who knows your name or how big you are in your company or church! Its about doing all that God has given you for him and only him! So, when you are talking with your pastor or CEO of a company, don't look at their name but their heart! Remember they are more like you than you really know...Just be YOU!
Don't be afraid to try something new-You will never know unless you try! What is the worst that can happen? If you are doing it for God and end up screwing it up, he will help you make your crooked path straight!
Is there really a such thing as a successful marriage?
Mark and I were asked the question, "What does success look like to you?" I have many different answers to this question, but the one answer that is on my heart this morning is my marriage! Since Valentines is right around the corner, I felt this was a great time to write more about this! ( I know don't mean to get all sappy nor do I think Mark and I have a perfect marriage, because we don't. ) Mark and I have come a long way since we said, "I do." I can honestly say there was a time in our marriage we were only going through the motions. (You know what I'm talking about doing everything to make the world think your marriage has it going on but behind closed doors you know the truth and your marriage is a big fat lie.) There was no real conversation nor was there any desire in my heart to even want to meet any of Mark's needs and vice versa. We just were not connecting like we use to. However, that has all changed. I can now say God has given us a successful marriage! However, It didn't come easy and nothing in life worth living for will ever be easy. If you want a successful marriage it takes God, work, friends who can help you grow, and a will to do whatever it takes. My pastor said, "success is doing the right thing., over a long period of time even when you don't feel like it." Love is not a feeling it is a choice. To have a successful marriage both husband and wife need to be in it for the long hall no matter how hard things get. ( if you are in a toxic relationship, you need to seek help ASAP)
Successful marriage is connecting at a deeper level. When you can share your deepest fears and dreams with each other. When two people can look at each other and know the gifts and talents that God has given them and help encourage, love and support their spouse to reach their full potential. When you can humble yourself and say I'm sorry. When a husband can let his wife shine and not be threatened by it and when a wife can serve and treat her man with the greatest respect. Allowing him to be the head of the house and to look at him for advice and guidance. When a husband can lead his wife and kids spiritually. When a wife doesn't have to be in control and can give it to her husband. When two people know their role in a marriage and not abuse it. When two people can be so different but yet share the same end in mind and can come together and fit just like a puzzle. Its about being their for the good and bad and not to treat each other like the enemy. To know your spouse is more than your best friend.
When I look at Mark, the word love still can't describe what I feel and think about him. He is a real man and I'm proud to call him my hubby! People may think he is weak because of the changes he has made or because of his love for God. Anyone who thinks that I will show you a marriage that is truly not healthy. Men if you want your wife to love and respect you the way you deserve than you need to look at yourself and really ask if you are you really leading your family the way God is asking you to? I know there are many women out there that think I'm weird because I want put my husband first ( after God). Ladies, I know it may be hard because maybe your husband isn't the Godly man he can be but someone has to make the first move. Begin to see and love him the way God sees him and little by little changes will be made. Keep seeking God and pray, if he can heal my marriage he can do the same for yours. If you have a man who is seeking God and trying to change and you still can't begin to respect him and put him first ( again after God) in your life, it is time to take deeper look at yourself and ask why? It is so important to help encourage your husband and help him become the leader of your family! Families need more men to step up to the plate and be the man that God has called him to be.
Marriage takes work, putting God first and not afraid to look at ourselves deeper. When we do that we can love ourselves and each other the say God has told us to do!
Successful marriage is connecting at a deeper level. When you can share your deepest fears and dreams with each other. When two people can look at each other and know the gifts and talents that God has given them and help encourage, love and support their spouse to reach their full potential. When you can humble yourself and say I'm sorry. When a husband can let his wife shine and not be threatened by it and when a wife can serve and treat her man with the greatest respect. Allowing him to be the head of the house and to look at him for advice and guidance. When a husband can lead his wife and kids spiritually. When a wife doesn't have to be in control and can give it to her husband. When two people know their role in a marriage and not abuse it. When two people can be so different but yet share the same end in mind and can come together and fit just like a puzzle. Its about being their for the good and bad and not to treat each other like the enemy. To know your spouse is more than your best friend.
When I look at Mark, the word love still can't describe what I feel and think about him. He is a real man and I'm proud to call him my hubby! People may think he is weak because of the changes he has made or because of his love for God. Anyone who thinks that I will show you a marriage that is truly not healthy. Men if you want your wife to love and respect you the way you deserve than you need to look at yourself and really ask if you are you really leading your family the way God is asking you to? I know there are many women out there that think I'm weird because I want put my husband first ( after God). Ladies, I know it may be hard because maybe your husband isn't the Godly man he can be but someone has to make the first move. Begin to see and love him the way God sees him and little by little changes will be made. Keep seeking God and pray, if he can heal my marriage he can do the same for yours. If you have a man who is seeking God and trying to change and you still can't begin to respect him and put him first ( again after God) in your life, it is time to take deeper look at yourself and ask why? It is so important to help encourage your husband and help him become the leader of your family! Families need more men to step up to the plate and be the man that God has called him to be.
Marriage takes work, putting God first and not afraid to look at ourselves deeper. When we do that we can love ourselves and each other the say God has told us to do!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Getting back on track!
I finally made to it to Trader Joe's! I've been wanting to go there for years, but just never seemed to get there! Today, on my way to pick Makenna up for practice, Marie and I made a pit stop and did some shopping. (The stores were crazy today! You would of thought we were going to be snowed in for days! I wouldn't of gone shopping today, if it we were not down to nothing!)
I'm excited to get back eating healthy and buying more organic food. Years ago, I was on a major health kick and was buying as much organic as I could. I was even getting milk delivered to the house. ( i know when I do things I tend to get OCD about stuff!) However, I ended up getting off track for various reasons. Financially things changed and so did my schedule and slowly I let what I knew was important slowly slipping away from me. The reason I began eating healthy was because of my kids especially my son. ( it is amazing how much kids can change your life!) They had food allergies and Markus was having problems with speech, motor skills and struggling with learning. ( he still faces some challenges but is doing great!) I knew a what we were putting in our bodies was just as important as what was filling our minds. But life took its course and I got off track.
Thankfully, I have some amazing mom's in my life. They really care about their families and themselves. They helped remind me how important eating healthy is. I realized I was using excuses on why I wasn't eating as healthy as we could! I started educating myself again and reading some info they would suggest and did my research. It started motivating me to get back on track. Sometimes in life we know the answers we just need the reminders! Mark and I are not getting any younger and I want us to be in the best health and most importantly I want to teach my kids on good eating habits so they to can be healthy as they grow up! Actually, eating healthy makes grocery shopping fun again! ( I know its sounds weird! and I realized if we were going to be eating healthy as much as I love when mark helps out and would sometimes grocery shop that had to stop! healthy shopping is not on his list!!!)
Just like anything in life we get off track. Whether its with our eating, exercising, how we spend money, parenting, with our marriage, praying, reading the Bible, going to church, etc., but thankfully we have a loving and forgiving God who understands. We just need to ask him to forgive us and get back up and try again! Don't beat yourself up if fall down and mess up as long as you get back up is all that matters! Also, surround yourself with people you can learn from and can motivate you to live a better life! I'm thankful for the people I know who love me enough to help and challenge me to be all that God has called me to be!
I'm excited to get back eating healthy and buying more organic food. Years ago, I was on a major health kick and was buying as much organic as I could. I was even getting milk delivered to the house. ( i know when I do things I tend to get OCD about stuff!) However, I ended up getting off track for various reasons. Financially things changed and so did my schedule and slowly I let what I knew was important slowly slipping away from me. The reason I began eating healthy was because of my kids especially my son. ( it is amazing how much kids can change your life!) They had food allergies and Markus was having problems with speech, motor skills and struggling with learning. ( he still faces some challenges but is doing great!) I knew a what we were putting in our bodies was just as important as what was filling our minds. But life took its course and I got off track.
Thankfully, I have some amazing mom's in my life. They really care about their families and themselves. They helped remind me how important eating healthy is. I realized I was using excuses on why I wasn't eating as healthy as we could! I started educating myself again and reading some info they would suggest and did my research. It started motivating me to get back on track. Sometimes in life we know the answers we just need the reminders! Mark and I are not getting any younger and I want us to be in the best health and most importantly I want to teach my kids on good eating habits so they to can be healthy as they grow up! Actually, eating healthy makes grocery shopping fun again! ( I know its sounds weird! and I realized if we were going to be eating healthy as much as I love when mark helps out and would sometimes grocery shop that had to stop! healthy shopping is not on his list!!!)
Just like anything in life we get off track. Whether its with our eating, exercising, how we spend money, parenting, with our marriage, praying, reading the Bible, going to church, etc., but thankfully we have a loving and forgiving God who understands. We just need to ask him to forgive us and get back up and try again! Don't beat yourself up if fall down and mess up as long as you get back up is all that matters! Also, surround yourself with people you can learn from and can motivate you to live a better life! I'm thankful for the people I know who love me enough to help and challenge me to be all that God has called me to be!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
What is the big deal about Porn in your marriage?
Going to the strip club with your buddies isn't really a big deal, is it? Having strippers at your bachelor party is really no big deal, everybody does it. Its just a good time with the guys, right? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas won't hurt my husband or wife, right? Guys or girls, a little porn to spice up the marriage won't hurt, right? What about a threesome? No big deal??? Casual sex no big deal???
WRONG!!! There is no way I can blog about all that I've learned about myself and my marriage when it comes to this topic nor will I blog about all there is to discuss about this on here. One day when I'm speaking on Sex and marriage you can either come and listen or read my book, whenever the heck I finish it! I'm not just going to put it all out here. I will only share, teach and reach out to others who are truly serious about changing and healing their lives. I don't write what I write to try to convince anyone or talk anyone into Jesus. I've been set free and my marriage has been restored because of Jesus. I only want to help the people who have ears to hear. If what you are doing in your life is working for you great! If not, I hope you take what I write about serious and begin searching your heart and soul and truly finding and knowing the love of God.. This goes for Christians to. I know many Christians who believe Jesus and know every verse in the Bible. However, they don't allow him to come fully into their heart. They don't do the necessary work on themselves so they can have the life Jesus has promised. They wonder why they are in the situation they are in or nothing good every happens to them...Its time to start looking in the mirror.
I always knew Mark loved me and he has always been a great dad, when looking on the outside and looking on the outside I looked like a really good mom and wife the way the world looks at a marriage. But the way God saw us was completely different. Some of the choices and decisions we made when we were younger and even when the kids were small affected our marriage. Mark never saw Porn has anything bad. He didn't watch it everyday it was only when he was with the guys playing cards or at a bachelor party. (which by the way, it disgust me to think of how mark and i started our marriage off) Strip Clubs were just fun times the guys when one of his pals were getting married. He didn't really want to be there is what he would tell me. (yeah right) He couldn't tell the guys he didn't want to go. They would think he was a wimp. Who cares what I thought and how I felt about it. I hated it when Mark would go out with his friends. I hated how it made me feel. I thought there was something wrong with me. Instead of standing my ground on this issue, I gave in. I thought it must be because I'm insecure with myself and to show everyone how strong I am, I threw my husband a 30th bday party and hired a stripper. What in the heck was I thinking!
It wasn't until this summer that God really got to the root of some major issues in our marriage. He placed two powerful books in our lives. It really hit Mark. It talked about marriage, your relationship with God, your relationship with your father and the relationship between a dad and daughter. Some people like to put a band aide on things and hope all goes away. See, I'm not that way. I like to talk about things and work through things and understand why we made some of the choices we did.( Even though God turned our life around and we were not living this way, there were still areas in our life that needed to be healed). I wanted to know what God really thinks about marriage. How Husband and wives are to treat each other. We were getting ready to have our third daugther. How would he feel if his daughter was in that type of industry and how would he feel if men were doing or thinking what he and his buddies were doing?
I don't care what you say and you can laugh at m all you want but Pornography will hurt your marriage and leave scars on your heart. It did on mine. Mark's choices made me feel that I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't first in his life and that I was just someone he settled for. Of course, I know that isn't true today, but deep down inside I felt that way. I was so angry at him and this was one of the reasons I couldn't respect him as my husband the way God wanted me to. Thankfully, Jesus worked in our lives and we both were able to talk about things and forgive each other and let it go!
I think this is so heavy on my heart right now was because of the event I went to last night. I thought about all the woman who are in this industry and how broken they are mentally, physically and spiritually. How much they need love and support. I'm thankful God has shed light on this for mark and I and for us to learn again more life lessons. I'm thankful Mark is the Godly man God has called him to be. I'm thankful he loves me and all of me and that I truly know he has eyes for only me! I'm not saying he doesn't have his struggles but he knows what they are and doesn't put himself in situations where he could be tempted and do something that would change everything for our family. I understand Mark and try to be the wife he needs and help him be the man God has called him to be. By loving him for where he is and who he is at this moment. I'm thankful he is the leader of our family and now I respect him for the man he really is. Its about time that Men step up to the plate and love their wives the way God has called them to because the best gift you can give your kids is to love God and their mommies with all your heart!
WRONG!!! There is no way I can blog about all that I've learned about myself and my marriage when it comes to this topic nor will I blog about all there is to discuss about this on here. One day when I'm speaking on Sex and marriage you can either come and listen or read my book, whenever the heck I finish it! I'm not just going to put it all out here. I will only share, teach and reach out to others who are truly serious about changing and healing their lives. I don't write what I write to try to convince anyone or talk anyone into Jesus. I've been set free and my marriage has been restored because of Jesus. I only want to help the people who have ears to hear. If what you are doing in your life is working for you great! If not, I hope you take what I write about serious and begin searching your heart and soul and truly finding and knowing the love of God.. This goes for Christians to. I know many Christians who believe Jesus and know every verse in the Bible. However, they don't allow him to come fully into their heart. They don't do the necessary work on themselves so they can have the life Jesus has promised. They wonder why they are in the situation they are in or nothing good every happens to them...Its time to start looking in the mirror.
I always knew Mark loved me and he has always been a great dad, when looking on the outside and looking on the outside I looked like a really good mom and wife the way the world looks at a marriage. But the way God saw us was completely different. Some of the choices and decisions we made when we were younger and even when the kids were small affected our marriage. Mark never saw Porn has anything bad. He didn't watch it everyday it was only when he was with the guys playing cards or at a bachelor party. (which by the way, it disgust me to think of how mark and i started our marriage off) Strip Clubs were just fun times the guys when one of his pals were getting married. He didn't really want to be there is what he would tell me. (yeah right) He couldn't tell the guys he didn't want to go. They would think he was a wimp. Who cares what I thought and how I felt about it. I hated it when Mark would go out with his friends. I hated how it made me feel. I thought there was something wrong with me. Instead of standing my ground on this issue, I gave in. I thought it must be because I'm insecure with myself and to show everyone how strong I am, I threw my husband a 30th bday party and hired a stripper. What in the heck was I thinking!
It wasn't until this summer that God really got to the root of some major issues in our marriage. He placed two powerful books in our lives. It really hit Mark. It talked about marriage, your relationship with God, your relationship with your father and the relationship between a dad and daughter. Some people like to put a band aide on things and hope all goes away. See, I'm not that way. I like to talk about things and work through things and understand why we made some of the choices we did.( Even though God turned our life around and we were not living this way, there were still areas in our life that needed to be healed). I wanted to know what God really thinks about marriage. How Husband and wives are to treat each other. We were getting ready to have our third daugther. How would he feel if his daughter was in that type of industry and how would he feel if men were doing or thinking what he and his buddies were doing?
I don't care what you say and you can laugh at m all you want but Pornography will hurt your marriage and leave scars on your heart. It did on mine. Mark's choices made me feel that I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't first in his life and that I was just someone he settled for. Of course, I know that isn't true today, but deep down inside I felt that way. I was so angry at him and this was one of the reasons I couldn't respect him as my husband the way God wanted me to. Thankfully, Jesus worked in our lives and we both were able to talk about things and forgive each other and let it go!
I think this is so heavy on my heart right now was because of the event I went to last night. I thought about all the woman who are in this industry and how broken they are mentally, physically and spiritually. How much they need love and support. I'm thankful God has shed light on this for mark and I and for us to learn again more life lessons. I'm thankful Mark is the Godly man God has called him to be. I'm thankful he loves me and all of me and that I truly know he has eyes for only me! I'm not saying he doesn't have his struggles but he knows what they are and doesn't put himself in situations where he could be tempted and do something that would change everything for our family. I understand Mark and try to be the wife he needs and help him be the man God has called him to be. By loving him for where he is and who he is at this moment. I'm thankful he is the leader of our family and now I respect him for the man he really is. Its about time that Men step up to the plate and love their wives the way God has called them to because the best gift you can give your kids is to love God and their mommies with all your heart!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
You can't hide any longer!
Have you ever been in a place in your life where you knew God wanted you to move forward and you knew what he was calling you to do but but feelings of not good enough and why me enter your head? You have dreams and goals and plans that you know was placed on your heart by God and you can't wait to do them and you are working hard toward them but still something keeps picking at you telling you lies and is doing everything to distract you from moving forward!
If you have, know you are not alone! This may sound weird to some people but the one who is reading this and gets it knows exactly what I'm talking about. I've been struggling with the ideas of what in the heck do I have to offer? I don't know enough? Why me? At the same time I'm having these questions the other part of me just can't wait to get out there and start doing the work God has called me to do. Its a battle in my own head. I don't know why he picked me. I'm so thankful he has has taught me so much about life and myself. He has set me free from bondage and has made me look at myself in more than one way and has taken me to look at myself deeper than I ever thought I could go. He placed this incredible desire to help share my life lessons so hopefully it will help someone else and bring them closer to God. However, I have also begged God to take this desire away if this is not what he wants me to do because I never want anyone to think I know it all or I think I'm better than anyone because I don't. I still have so much to learn. Learning never stops.
He keeps telling me to keep moving forward. He is telling you the same if you listen. He is telling me to stay focused and don't get distracted by nonsense and with things that I have no business having my nose in! To stay focus on him and doing the job he has chosen for me to do. Same goes for you! Stay focus and don't look to the left or to the right because that is what the enemy wants you to do. He also has placed me in an awesome place with incredible people! He is pushing me out there and not letting me hide any longer. I would find excuses why I couldn't do it and now I can't hide any longer! God will do that to you too! He will make you go out there whether you like it or not. He will not let you hide much longer. Seriously, take this blog for an example. I really don't like to write, but he makes me do it to help me get over some crazy fear of mine! Yes, he will not let you hide but get ready he may make you do things you don't like doing because he needs to work on you to get you where he wants you to be.
Stop hiding and stand bold in your calling from God. Don't let anyone stop you and know that God loves you more than you will ever imagine. (that might be hard for someone to understand but when you truly get the love of God, it will blow you away) Give him all your fears and crazy thoughts and know you are worthy of the call not because you say so because God says so! Get out there my friend and do the work regardless and don't let anything get in your way! Don't sabotage what God has planned for your life.
If you have, know you are not alone! This may sound weird to some people but the one who is reading this and gets it knows exactly what I'm talking about. I've been struggling with the ideas of what in the heck do I have to offer? I don't know enough? Why me? At the same time I'm having these questions the other part of me just can't wait to get out there and start doing the work God has called me to do. Its a battle in my own head. I don't know why he picked me. I'm so thankful he has has taught me so much about life and myself. He has set me free from bondage and has made me look at myself in more than one way and has taken me to look at myself deeper than I ever thought I could go. He placed this incredible desire to help share my life lessons so hopefully it will help someone else and bring them closer to God. However, I have also begged God to take this desire away if this is not what he wants me to do because I never want anyone to think I know it all or I think I'm better than anyone because I don't. I still have so much to learn. Learning never stops.
He keeps telling me to keep moving forward. He is telling you the same if you listen. He is telling me to stay focused and don't get distracted by nonsense and with things that I have no business having my nose in! To stay focus on him and doing the job he has chosen for me to do. Same goes for you! Stay focus and don't look to the left or to the right because that is what the enemy wants you to do. He also has placed me in an awesome place with incredible people! He is pushing me out there and not letting me hide any longer. I would find excuses why I couldn't do it and now I can't hide any longer! God will do that to you too! He will make you go out there whether you like it or not. He will not let you hide much longer. Seriously, take this blog for an example. I really don't like to write, but he makes me do it to help me get over some crazy fear of mine! Yes, he will not let you hide but get ready he may make you do things you don't like doing because he needs to work on you to get you where he wants you to be.
Stop hiding and stand bold in your calling from God. Don't let anyone stop you and know that God loves you more than you will ever imagine. (that might be hard for someone to understand but when you truly get the love of God, it will blow you away) Give him all your fears and crazy thoughts and know you are worthy of the call not because you say so because God says so! Get out there my friend and do the work regardless and don't let anything get in your way! Don't sabotage what God has planned for your life.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
When your day turns out like crap!
It doesn't matter how much we have our day all planned out, God will show you who is really in control! Last night I had my entire day planned for today and trust me it was going to be a busy day! I was taking the kids on a field trip to a museum in Ann Arbor with some other home school families, speech for my son, dentist appointment, grocery shopping, dinner and then off to take the kids to awana! I thought I had it all figured out to a T!
However, around 2am the day was already not turning out the way I planned it! Marie didn't really sleep at all last night! Marcia was up all night coughing, which sounds like she has croup! Now, I could of woke up all crabby because everything I wanted to happen was not turning out the way I wanted it too and I was really tired! Now, I could of started complaining, but God reminded me that how we handle the little things will determine if he can give me anything bigger! If we can't handle our day to day living, how the heck will we handle the bigger things we want to do in life? Remember, even though we think our day is wrecked because its not going according to plan, God always has a better one, if we walk in faith and with the right attitude! Its up to us what we are going to choose crabby or make the best of what is given to us!
I decided to go with the right attitdude. My day ended up turning out great! Mark didn't go into work as early as he normally does, so I was able to get Makenna to her friends house, so she could still go on the field trip, without having to drag the kids out early in the morning! Markus speech was canceled (even though we showed up but didn't have to end up sitting there) and my mom was able to come over to watch the kids shortly while I went to the dentist! (She surprised me on the way home from the funeral luncheon she was at) I was so happy because I was just getting ready to take the kids with me to go and get my crown and filling! ( They go everywhere with me so they would of been fine sitting there, but didn't want to take marcia out because she needed to rest!) The kids didn't go to Awana since Marcia was sick and we figured everyone including me needed to rest! Mark went grocery shopping for me!!! ( I even finished all my laundry!!!)
See, we need to really watch the words we speak and be careful not to grumble and complain about everything! I know its not easy! If I would of focused on the bad my day wouldn't not of turned out on a positive note! It is all on how you look at things! It doesn't mean you won't have hard times and want to stay in bed and pull your covers over your head! We all have moments but we need to make sure those moments don't turn into a lifestyle. Take baby steps and really pay attention to the words you speak and the conversation you have with yourself. Yes, we need a friend to sometimes vent to but really all you need to do is give it to God and he will make your path straight, even in your daily living! God cares about all areas in our life not just the big ones but the small ones too!
Now, I am sitting here in pain and can't talk because of the work done on my mouth at the dentist! See, God even answered Mark's prayers today!!! He get a night without me talking his ear off!!! LOL!!!
However, around 2am the day was already not turning out the way I planned it! Marie didn't really sleep at all last night! Marcia was up all night coughing, which sounds like she has croup! Now, I could of woke up all crabby because everything I wanted to happen was not turning out the way I wanted it too and I was really tired! Now, I could of started complaining, but God reminded me that how we handle the little things will determine if he can give me anything bigger! If we can't handle our day to day living, how the heck will we handle the bigger things we want to do in life? Remember, even though we think our day is wrecked because its not going according to plan, God always has a better one, if we walk in faith and with the right attitude! Its up to us what we are going to choose crabby or make the best of what is given to us!
I decided to go with the right attitdude. My day ended up turning out great! Mark didn't go into work as early as he normally does, so I was able to get Makenna to her friends house, so she could still go on the field trip, without having to drag the kids out early in the morning! Markus speech was canceled (even though we showed up but didn't have to end up sitting there) and my mom was able to come over to watch the kids shortly while I went to the dentist! (She surprised me on the way home from the funeral luncheon she was at) I was so happy because I was just getting ready to take the kids with me to go and get my crown and filling! ( They go everywhere with me so they would of been fine sitting there, but didn't want to take marcia out because she needed to rest!) The kids didn't go to Awana since Marcia was sick and we figured everyone including me needed to rest! Mark went grocery shopping for me!!! ( I even finished all my laundry!!!)
See, we need to really watch the words we speak and be careful not to grumble and complain about everything! I know its not easy! If I would of focused on the bad my day wouldn't not of turned out on a positive note! It is all on how you look at things! It doesn't mean you won't have hard times and want to stay in bed and pull your covers over your head! We all have moments but we need to make sure those moments don't turn into a lifestyle. Take baby steps and really pay attention to the words you speak and the conversation you have with yourself. Yes, we need a friend to sometimes vent to but really all you need to do is give it to God and he will make your path straight, even in your daily living! God cares about all areas in our life not just the big ones but the small ones too!
Now, I am sitting here in pain and can't talk because of the work done on my mouth at the dentist! See, God even answered Mark's prayers today!!! He get a night without me talking his ear off!!! LOL!!!
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