Do you ever feel like you are dying on the inside?

I've grown up always believing in Jesus.  However, I wasn't always living for him nor did I know him like I do today.  I hope in another year from now, I know him even deeper than I do at this very moment.   When my husband and I decided to get married we both wanted God to be in our life. However, it was under our rules.  We wanted to tell God when and where we wanted him.  This, my friend, is a major problem!!

I remember sitting in church in the beginning of our marriage.  We were young and having the time of our lives, though we thought.  Half the time we showed up for church we were hung over from a party the night before.  I would be lying if I told you we were not having fun because we were having a blast.  However, sin works like that.  In the beginning it looks like all fun and games.  Slowly, it begins to tear you apart and taking everything you have with it. 

I would sit there, and every few weeks, Matthew 16:24 would be talked about. "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "if any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me."  I remember talking to God and saying not just yet God. I love you but I'm not ready to give up everything.  Little did I know what I thought I would be giving up would be nothing compared to what I would be gaining. 

Fast forward 10 years later, when God finally grabbed on to my heart and showed me what life would be like fully devoted to him.  He showed me how the life I was living was not what he intended for me.  As my husband and I both gave our hearts fully and rededicated our lives to Christ, we were finally set free.  I experienced a freedom I never had before.  However, within a few years, I was wrapped up once again in bondage.  I felt like I couldn't breath.  The person God redeemed was slowly dying on the inside. 

Why?  Because I was trying to please people, especially Christians.  God forgave me, made me new, but yet I was still begging him to make me different.  I desperately wanted to be the quiet wife that said nothing.  God isn't about pleasing people, religion, or man-made rules.  It's not about saying the right Christian words, dressing a certain way, or becoming someone that God never intended you to be. It's not about volunteering and being so busy inside the church that your home life is then neglected.  It’s not about being legalistic and not being able to enjoy a glass of wine with your spouse or friends.  It's not about trying to be perfect.   It's about knowing who you are in Christ.  If you can relate to this blog, just know this: keep your eyes fixed on God.  He is the creator of the Universe.  He is much bigger than the four walls of a church building.  Get in the Word of God, and allow the Holy Spirit to transform you the way God wants, not allowing people and their opinions to become your master. 

I've had to learn the hard way.  Yes, I'm going to mess up, and people are not going to agree with me at times or maybe even like me.  I'm ok with that because my God loves me.  And He and loves you!  He will make our crooked paths straight. He will take our mess and use it for HIS glory.  He will protect us and never leave us.  He will be the only one that will give you the peace, purpose, joy and FREEDOM your heart is searching for.  God is much bigger than anybody's opinion of you. He has a bigger purpose for you and me. Time is ticking.  What are you waiting for?