Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My apologies

Today, I want to send this note out to apoligioze to anyone if I have ever come across as someone who thinks she has all the answers to life. I know I put quotes on FB, opinons, write on some lessons that I've learned and choices I've made that have changed my life. I want you to know I do not pretend to think I know it all or have it all together. I'm still learning, growing and am in the middle of major life lesson as I write this. The reason I share some of the things on here is not glorify me but to help someone else becasue I truly know what its like to be broke in all areas on my life. I didn't grow up with money. I watched my two parents work very hard to give my brother a better life. There were days my parents had to donate blood in order to get money to put dinner on the table. When Mark and I firt got married we had no money, credit card debt, lived in a trailer, I suffered from major depression, moved in with my parents when I was pregenant, and were on the verge of wanting a divorce. We also have made money and still were broke. On the service we looked like we had it all but I seriously was dying on the inside. I felt worthless, I felt like a failure, I knew I wanted to do more with my life but couldn't get past all the negative self talk. I have lost loves ones, faced rejection and was so afraid of feeling that pain that I was hiding from life. However, I realized that no matter what you do life is going to happen. Life is not going to be easy know matter what. I knew I had choices to make. I knew I couldn't blame anyone else and I had to take resonsiblity for myself and most of all I wanted to be a role model for my children. I didn't just want to talk about facing your fears, going after dreams, getting past hard times I wanted them to see me walk through the fire and come out on top. My life has made a complete turn around but I didn't do it alone. God placed some amazing people in my life to help me see a bigger vision for myself, teach me life lessons and what would ultimately bring me cloer to him. I was extreamly hard headed and God knew this but he also knew what to do in order to get my attention. Wherever you are in your life right now, I want you to know this. God is trying to get your attentin. Also know, whatever mistakes you have made, how many people told you that you were dumb, fat, ugly or no good, how many times you have failed, how much money you have or don't have that you are perfect the way you are and God still loves you. I hurt many people in my life, made some bad decisions and was ashamed of myelf but once I started to work on me, forgive myself and let God do the rest, it has set me free. I hope that if someone is reading this today and is down in the dumps that this gives you hope and can help you on your way of finding the joy and peace in your life that you deserve. You need to say Yes to your life, take a real good look in the mirror, know the journey will not be easy but worth it. Once you know its starts with you first put on your seal belt but know it will be the best ride of your life . Its time for you to start to live the live that God wants you to live...

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